Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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