apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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