plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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