I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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