guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
