I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
