I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
