How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
