People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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