i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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