I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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