wat bout pragnant strippers??
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
