My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
