You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
