dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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