his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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