He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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