This is not my ceiling
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
