Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
