dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
