Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
