I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
