sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
