And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
