I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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