So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
