Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
