Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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