i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
