My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
