don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
