I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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