i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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