Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
