He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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