he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
