my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
