I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
