Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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