I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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