life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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