brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
