I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
