I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
