So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
