Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
