My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are the jesus of drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
