Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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