hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm too high and old for this...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
