she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
