You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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