I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
