Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
