that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
