There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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